By David Ponce

Do you like swearing? A lot? Are you British or do you wish you were? Do you have £50,000 burning a large hole in your pocket? Well, then… here’s just the thing for you.

Created in association with renowned artisans at Clay design studio, this exclusive piece of world-class art is basically a fully interactive periodic table of filth. Simply press any one of its 103 brightly coloured buttons and you’ll instantly hear the mellifluous tones of a mystery man uttering profanities, insults and highly innovative cusses.

I’m not sure how the asking price was arrived at, other than it appears to be handmade and contains over 300ft of cable and 300 soldered joints. Insults are arranged in order from light to heavy based on the periodic table’s classification for chemical reactivity, the heaviest being on the far left and the quaintest on the right, where the inert gases would usually go.

And it’s, once again, £50,000 or roughly $78,000 at today’s rate.

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