Hufu, Human Tofu

By David Ponce

First off, if you’re faint of heart or whatever, skip this. If you’re a hatemail sender, skippydo. Allright, that was my disclaimer.

So y’all asked for more strange products. Well, this thing’s about as bizarre as they come. It’s tofu, with a, erm, human twist: it’s flavored to taste like people flesh.

Hufu was originally conceived of as a product for students of anthropology hungry for the experience of cannibalism but deterred by the legal and logistical obstacles.

However, our preliminary market research revealed the existence of a larger segment of the public that was interested in the availability of a legal and healthy human flesh substitute, as well as vegetarians and vegans. We also found that Hufu is a great product for cannibals who want to quit.

Hufu is also a great cannibal convenience food — no more Friday night hunting raids! Stay at home and enjoy the flavorful, convenient human flesh alternative.

There’s even a whole semi decent looking website for you to browse in amazement. While the whole thing smacks of tongue-in-cheekery, the fact remains that you can actually purchase some, at $15 for 3.5oz, although right now there’s a 3 week backorder.

Ah… what fun. Anyway, story VIA Strange New Products.

10 thoughts on “Hufu, Human Tofu”

  1. There’s a great read in Harrison’s ‘Make Room! Make Room!’. The locals ate soylent green… Just add green food colour to this stuff and you’ve got the real thing!

  2. goddamn where the fuck was i when this came out. my halloweeen paties could have been so much better with hufu. im just dissapointed in myself. send me an order form. im havin a halloween party as soon as i can get this shit even if its in june. oh yeah burn in hell
    hail satan

  3. actually in harrison's book, the product was called “soylent steaks”
    the 1973 movie Soylent Green had the soylent green wafers made out of humans (they were marketing them as a mixture of soy protien, lentils, and plankton)

  4. actually in harrison's book, the product was called “soylent steaks”
    the 1973 movie Soylent Green had the soylent green wafers made out of humans (they were marketing them as a mixture of soy protien, lentils, and plankton)

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