CrustaStun – Lobster Electric Chair

By Bruce Eaton

In a step to curb lobster violence, CrustaStun will show them there are penalties for thier actions (like clawing at your defenseless fingers). Using a 110 volt – 2-5 amp current and placed in the CrustaStun, the crustacean will experience an interruption of nervous system functions; it will not feel pain according to Dr. Dave Robb at Bristol University, and will succinctly die and be ready to bath in garlic butter sauce heaven. [Also scientifically proven] The result is that it reduces stress & improves meat quality in terms of texture & flavour.

You have to schedule a meeting to get pricing, so I have no idea of cost, but to be able to kill all the crustacea I care to eat easily is nice. Also the device boasts that it “Can be used by unskilled staff”, so no worries about operation simplicity. They also have a Continuous Flow Stunner for your genocidal war on the shellfish.


6 thoughts on “CrustaStun – Lobster Electric Chair”

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  2. Well, this line belongs in the English Grammar Hall of Shame:
    “Using a 110 volt – 2-5 amp current and placed in the CrustaStun, the crustacean will experience an interruption…”

    Anyone allowing a lobster to use 2 to 5 amps of house current needs parenting lessons, that’s for sure!

    As for the scream myth, it’s boiled watervapor escaping through small orifices, usually happening only when the cook heaves the lil’ armored bugger into a pot of already-boiling water.

    I agree with Larry Niven: anything that works that hard to protect itself deserves not to be eaten. (On the other hand, anyone who, in the 21st century, thinks eating meat is mentally ill is suffering from delusions of adequacy and needs more red meat in his/her diet.)

  3. My favourite means of dispatching the overgrown mudbugs is just cutting them in half with a heavy chef’s knife. Or, if you’re Australian, knoife.

    A lobster’s “brain” is smaller than a penny. It’ll be dead before it knows it’s in trouble.

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