We’re not here to fuel the debate over whether toilet humor is low-brow or comic gold, but we can’t help but chuckle at this novelty roll of toilet paper from Spinning Hat featuring comic book like illustrated sound effects. Like the Measuring Tape Toilet Paper from a few weeks ago, it lightens the mood in what can be one of the more serious rooms of your home with expressions like Splash! Pop! Parp! and Flush! Now I have no clue as to what makes a ‘Parp!’ sound effect in the bathroom, but for ~$6.50(£3.99) you’re welcome to find out for yourself.
With April having passed, one generally lets down their guard about products that might be too silly to be true. Every now and then a missed April Fool’s joke will pop up, so I do try and stay on my toes. Needless to say this fart-absorbing blanket immediately made me skeptical. A silly video and a name like “The Better Marriage Blanket” couldn’t possibly be real, could it?
I’m afraid that it seems quite real. This blanket promises to use a carbon fabric to absorb any unpleasant odors from your nighttime emissions. This will be the thing that saves your marriage, as we all know most divorces begin with a Dutch Oven. The blanket ranges from $40-$60 (depending on the size you choose), and despite what they claim will not make for a good wedding or anniversary gift. Seriously, this should never be purchased as a gift unless you’re intending it to be a joke, especially for your spouse.
Obscure multiplayer rules you spent more time setting up than actually playing a game? Check. Bizarre secret characters no one ever liked getting stuck with? Check. Overuse of proximity mines, usually to your own detriment? Double check. Yep, it looks like College Humor has covered all the bases here.
When was the last time you actually read through an entire EULA? Unless I’ve encountered one that was only a couple of lines in length, I probably have never read one completely. After all, who wants to read through pages of legal mumbo-jumbo just so they can install something? Armed with this knowledge, British retailer GameStation acquired the souls of roughly 7,500 unsuspecting customers.
As part of an April Fool’s stunt, the company added the following clause to their Terms and Conditions page:
By placing an order via this Web site on the first day of the fourth month of the year 2010 Anno Domini, you agree to grant Us a non transferable option to claim, for now and for ever more, your immortal soul. Should We wish to exercise this option, you agree to surrender your immortal soul, and any claim you may have on it, within 5 (five) working days of receiving written notification from gamesation.co.uk or one of its duly authorised minions. We reserve the right to serve such notice in 6 (six) foot high letters of fire, however we can accept no liability for any loss or damage caused by such an act.
The Onion reminds us that for every company that started in a garage but grew into a giant corporation like Apple or Hewlett-Packard, there were probably hundreds of other companies that never quite experienced the same growth and success. Like “Xalaga Technologies” started by “MIT graduates Donald Faber and Peter Haberle.”
According to Faber and Haberle, a lot has changed since Xalaga was first founded. What was once a struggling $7,500-a-year business with only a dozen or so paying customers is now a desperate $6,400-a-year business with only a half dozen or so paying customers.
Faber, who turned down a promising position with GE in order to start Xalaga, a decision he now says he regrets each and every waking day, told reporters that he knew almost immediately that his company had something not-at-all special on its hands.
“We sold only one computer that first year, then the following year it was three computers, then suddenly 10 computers, then just as suddenly five computers, then back down to three computers again, and finally only one or two machines every other year for pretty much the next decade,” said Faber, standing up from the plastic milk crate that now serves as his desk. “Had someone told us when we first started that we’d be here today, operating out of a much smaller, somehow less expensive garage, we probably would have laughed right in their face.”
So here’s to all those little guys who never quite stopped being the little guys, and in some cases became even smaller.
Normally these types of novelty sound keychains aren’t worth a second glance, but this distinct giant foot has 2 things going for it. 1) It features the voices of the actual members of Monty Python (though most likely lifted from the TV series and movies) and 2) Instead of the typical 3 or 4 quotes this thing has a whopping 17 including:
Button your lip, you ratbag!
Come on you worm…you miserable little man.
Come at me then…come on, do your worst, you worm.
Death awaits you all! With nasty, big, pointy teeth.
Don’t come here with that posh talk you nasty stuck-up twit!
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
I wave my private parts at your aunties.
What is it now, you great pillock?
You dirty double-crossing rat.
You don’t frighten us, pig-dogs!
Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person.
I blow my nose at you.
You stupid, birdbrained, flatheaded…
You’re a looney.
Now I’ll admit that referring to that as an “Impressive Vocabulary” is maybe a bit of a stretch, but for ~$5.50, 17 quotes is above and beyond the typical sound keychain call of duty.
The feedback regarding Apple’s recently unveiled iPad has been mixed at best, falling anywhere between cautiously positive to vehemently negative, so it’s no surprise that The Onion felt obliged to weigh in with their own thoughts, outlining some of the iPad’s lesser known features.
You can stop checking the iTunes App Store for new and interesting applications every day because the last program you’ll ever need for your iPhone or iPod Touch has been released. iSamJackson includes over 150 original and authentic quotes recorded by the man himself. Now yes, it is really nothing more than a Sam Jackson sound board, but these clips aren’t crappy captures taken from his films, but original studio material created just for this app. And you can even customize the sound board so your favorite quotes are all organized onto one page for easy access. $2.99 available from the iTunes App Store in a Clean and +17 Explicit version.
It’s impossible for any single news organization to cover everything shown at CES, but thankfully The Onion has distilled the show down to a brief highlight list covering some of the more important reveals and announcements made this year.
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