If girls can get push up bras, and bum implants, and fake eyelashes, and hair extensions, and fake nails… well it stands to reason dudes may want in on some of that sweet, sweet artificial action. Meet the FunkyBod undershirt. Featuring a host of specially contoured and strategically placed pads, the shirt is meant to be worn under other shirts to give the impression you have more meat on your bones than you really do. There are pectoral, shoulder, bicep and triceps inserts, all of which give a balanced look and the appearance of someone who’s been lifting some iron and eating the chicken breasts like a good gym rat. Hopefully you can combine this with loose jeans so no one notices the spaghetti strands that serve as your legs, and you’re all set. After that, your plan is to go to a fairly dark nightclub and attract the attention of someone inebriated enough not to notice in the morning that you look nothing like you did on the dance floor the night before. That, my friends, is a bulletproof plan. Bulletproof.
It’s £29, or roughly $46.