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Author Archives: objuankenob

Oopersweet

ooperstar
By Dave Coulter

What could be more comfortable than lounging on cold asphalt to play a marathon run of Zelda? Doing it on Ooperstar! Then again, maybe not. This might just be a conspiracy by the American Chiropractic Association (just look at these people’s necks!).

It’s a half-baked media-lounge with built-in speakers and input jacks for your mp3 player and your TV, with support for all the latest consoles. There is also a sort of universal remote to master all of your wee electronic minions, so whilst you sit in your tower you can be both uncomfortable and lazy. And therein lies the Tao—no beauty without ugliness, no comfort without pain. The site is not in English, so if you can read the pictograms, perhaps you can find the price.

Cervical neck strain is a small price to pay for being an idiot.

Story VIA importgameblog.

[This product’s been around for a while, we (I) know, so please don’t sign that petition to have us voted off the air. I happen to think it was worth mentioning anyway. -Ed]

Covert Harnesses Make Overt Fashion

covert harnessBy Dave Coulter

If you’re a gearhead I’m sure you’ll find these packs to be the cat’s meow. Finally, (yet) another way to stow more crap than you’ll ever need… and it’ll virtually guarantee you’ll be frisked by airport security! Civilianlab has created a product line nick’d the ‘Covert Harness,’ which if you look at the picture is a whit misleading: they’re about as covert as a blinking neon sign.

In any case these rugged bags can be pasted onto you in up to six different configurations by way of variable straps and buckles—just the thing to realize your inner Gurkha. From the looks of it, you’ll be able to carry anything you need and more—from pens and PDAs, to flashlights and an extra magazine for your G36 carbine—all in a package that absolutely screams “urban nomad.??? The harness system will run you from $49.95 for their Traveler LT model, all the way up to $75.45 for their Specialist LT model, with three more models in between to help you prepare for The Apocalypse.

By now I can hear some of you thinking “I love it, but c’mon, moi in a harness????… And to those folks still uncomfortable donning nylon webbing, lemme just say this: It’s only kinky once, then it’s just what you like.

Story VIA Gadgetmadness

Lie Dectectors For the Masses

lie detectorBy Dave Coulter

Smart Home says, “Truth Detector????
I say, “Yes please!???

What a godsend! Now I can indulge all of my most paranoid fantasies in this stylishly clear, LED laden, be-rectangled Vicar of Veracity!

Well sort of. The device is actually a voice stress analyzer, which is to say that it analyzes the stress level of a voice, rather than the truthfulness of the spoken word. (The whole “truth” thingy is a whit inductive, non?) The glaring assumption here is that we “get stressed??? when we lie, but obviously these people have never met my ex-girlfriend—an even-keeled sociopath if there ever was one.

No matter! When this sweet little gizmo notes that a voice is getting tense, you’ll know that it is time to watch your back. You see, it isn’t that my best friend is upset about his day at work—no, no—it’s that he’s lying.

In person, through the telephone, or broadcast on TV, this Pandora’s Box will let you know who’s sellin’ Lake Michigan, and who’s not clever enough to try. It’s yours for $32.99. Or is it?

Story VIA GadgetryBlog

PetaPotty: A Lavatory for the Discriminating Pet

By Dave Coulter

PetaPotty
Now your pets can obey the call of the wild in their very own 34 square inches of portable lawn goodness! With PetaPotty’s “sturdy and attractive??? polyvinyl sod box, your urban pet can purify its first chakra in style without the hassle of you actually having to take your pet outside.

With a removable collection tray that makes clean up a snap, both you and your pet will have no compunction about doing your doody in this simulated parkscape. And really, what sane and judicious undergrad student could resist the magic and charm of a portable lawn anyhow? I myself plan to train some gerbils to play Ultimate Frisbee on this bad boy; the sheer utility is limitless… Only $259.99 for the original, it’s never been this cheap to be the envy of your friends—and their pets.

Story VIA Productdose

Enfranchise Yourself with a T-Shirt Printer

By Dave Coulter

tshirtprinterTired of prefabbed cleverness? Make a statement while cutting out the middle-man. Now you too can get your mitts on your very own Fast T-Jet T-shirt printer and make that ninja-goon squad you’ve been dreaming about truly official with matching logo T-shirts! Er, that is if you’ve got a spare 10,995 clams squirreled away for the occasion. But don’t let the 11 grand get you down; this is America! Have a bake sale and start fabricating your own brand of cleverness today.

Story VIA Gadgetryblog

Beautiful Cork Furniture by Daniel Michalik

By Dave Coulter

cork loungeWho really needs a reason to drink another bottle? As improbable as it might seem, all of those Tuesday nights of debauchery may have been productive after all. Daniel Michalik, the designer of this cork chaise lounge, uses waste cork from the bottle stopper industry to create his beautiful, functional, and environmentally friendly furniture.

A benefit from using cork is that his pieces are virtually water and mold proof—so if you happen to pick one up, don’t think twice about using it for your next patio party… But for the sake of the industry, just stay away from the ‘wine-in-the-box.’

Story VIA bookofjoe

Playing ‘Lowrider’ At Your Next Assembly Just Got Cooler

electronic cowbellBy Dave Coulter

The one thing I was always missing in my high school band experience was the percussive rapport of the Butterscotch Quail. Where was a podunk high school in Southern Oregon to find the grail of cowbells, distinctively known by its prodigious tenure in being “used in more Olympic Games opening ceremonies than any other cowbell?”

Well, now we all can be titillated into exciting amazement and wonder by Rad Monkey’s VLC800 electronic cowbell—and treat ourselves to the sonorous jingles of The Oregon Trail Model 75, be charmed by the “vintage warmth” of the Alma Cogan Model V, or dare I say, tickled by the Chicken Nugget .

You’ll be sure to love the feature-set of this dynamo, so check out the product page here. Too bad this is naught but a laugh, ’cause I’d pony up!

Story VIA Music Thing