Whoever invented alarm clocks got it all wrong. If you want to get people out of bed, then you might want to give them a better reason to do so. A wailing alarm clock (with an occasionally defective snooze button that makes the entire process a hundred times more annoying) is clearly not what most people have in mind.
Alarm clock makers should take a cue from Oscar Mayer. They’ve come up with the Wake Up and Smell the Bacon app and iPhone dongle duo that basically wakes people up with the delicious scent of bacon.
Like hitting a royal flush, this Porter beer by Funky Buddha Brewery straight up mashed all our happy buttons at once. Maple syrup, bacon, and coffee flavours in a beer? Good Lord, we’re so excited we’d rather let them describe it:
Evoking a complete diner-style breakfast in a glass, Maple Bacon Coffee Porter is a complex beer with a multitude of flavors at play. It pours an opaque ebony brew with a frothy tan head. Aromas of sticky maple syrup, coffee, and cream creep forth from the glass. The mouth feel is luxuriously creamy, with layers of sweet malt, toffee, and roast giving way to waves of smoke, coffee, and salted chocolate. It finishes sticky, rich, and sweet, with the flavor of maple syrup lingering pleasantly on the tongue.
It’s a special release brew with 6.4% alcohol content. We’re not sure where it’s available, but the company’s website is solid and should be able to point you in the right direction.
Incidentally, you should check these guys out altogether. They have a bunch of other funky flavours, like Raspberry Habanero and Reece Peanut Butter Cup.
If you think that bacon was the greatest thing to ever come along since sliced bread, then you might be one of the few who can actually drink the resulting concoction when a one of these effervescent bacon tabs is dropped into a glass of water (or even worse, into a glass of juice or soda!)
These are what its name claims they are. Bacon is the meat that has inspired dozens upon dozens of stuff, from pillows and soap to deodorant and coffee, but sometimes, you have to wonder where to draw the line between cool and quirky to plain weird and gross. Well, these bacon tabs will let you add that distinct smoky, meaty flavor to any drink you desire. The only question is: can you stomach it?
A tin of effervescent bacon tabs costs $2.35.
We have a bacon tag here at OhGizmo! Yeah, it’s right here. It exists because there’s an entire universe of bacon related products out there, like bacon condoms and bacon mouthwash. And now, obviously, you have Power Bacon for discerning bacon aficionados who also enjoy good underarm hygiene. Do you really need a description? It makes your pits smell like heaven, and that’s all there is to say about that.
Now you can have bacon even before you sit down at the table for breakfast. You can’t eat it though, unless you want to come down with an upset stomach, because I’m talking about Bacon Soap.
Bacon is the ultimate meat that goes great with everything: burgers, pork chops, soups, tacos, salads, pasta, and more. Its meaty, smoky flavor has been incorporated into a multitude of other products too, like popping candy, gravy, toothpaste, mouthwash, and even alcoholic drinks. It’s easy to see why: it just makes everything else taste better–including you, but instead of taste, it works wonders in the “smell” department.
I wouldn’t say Bacon Soap comes in bars though, because it looks more like slabs to me. The soap is made from natural vegan ingredients, including coconut oil, avocado oil, castor oil, and olive oil, to leave you with soft, supple and moisturized skin. And of course, it works up a rich lather, leaving you with the subtle smell of bacon, even after you’ve rinsed.
Bacon Soap is available online for $12.
Well… maybe not. We were about to pass on writing about these Edible Bugs in a can, because really… edible bugs? But then we saw that they’re more than just bugs: they’re flavored bugs in a can. Aside from the Bacon and Cheese Grasshoppers, you can expect to enjoy BBQ Bamboo Worms (Omphisa fuscidentalis), Nori Seaweed Armor Tail Scorpions (Mesobuthus martensii), Salted Queen Weaver Ants (Oecophylla), Sour Cream & Onion Dung Beetles (Circellium bacchus), Wasabi House Crickets (Gryllidae), Giant Waterbug Chili Paste (Nepidae)…
Sour Cream & Onion Dung Beetles? Yeah, you read that right. We’re not sure who these are really for. The really adventurous? The slightly insane? Or maybe someone preparing a feast for Halloween… Whatever the case, if you’re got a hankering for the creepy crawlies, it’ll cost you $40 for a box of 7 cans. The product comes from Thailand, and the “manufacturing facility is registered with Thai FDA (Food & Drug Administration) and the US FDA and has passed GMP (Good Food manufacturing). All individual food products are tested and registered with FDA.” We imagine this means they’ve gotten the green light for consumption stateside.
The bacon madness continues, with news of the Piglets Pecan and Bacon Snack, by Bacon Freaks. They’re “dry cured bacon crumbly bits, hand cooked with brown sugar and chopped pecans.” They’d be perfect to toss into your salads, sandwiches, banana splits, pancakes… everything. Heck, they sound like they’d be perfect to eat right out of the bag, all by their awesome selves. It’s $7 for a 2oz. bag, which packs a total of 400 calories. That’s less than a BigMac, by the way, so there are worse calorific offenders out there. Just sayin…
Anyone who’s been reading the site for any period of time knows that we’re deeply in love with bacon. Better yet, we think bacon mated with maple is as wonderful as Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, Abbott and Costello… or peanut butter and chocolate, to get away from entertainment duos of yesteryear metaphors. Now that we’ve seen Maple Bacon Morning Coffee from Boca Java, we will not rest until we get some and make it part of our breakfast. At $8 for an 8oz. bag, it’s not going to break anyone’s bank.