By Chris Scott Barr
With the rise of instant messengers, we saw a rise in the use of acronyms. I remember the old days of chatting on ICQ and learning simple ones like ‘lol’ and ‘afk’. These days I still use a few when chatting or texting, but not nearly as much as the current school-age generation. Not only does half of a conversation consist of acronyms, but now they don’t even have to bother typing all of those out. Now there’s a keyboard that will spew out 3 or 4 meaningful characters (in caps no less!) with the push of a single button. I give you proof that the current generation is doomed: the Fast Finger Keyboard.
If you thought that 12 function keys that are dedicated to acronyms was bad, you’re in for a real treat. The standard QWERTY layout has been tossed in the back seat so that children don’t get confused. Instead, all of the letters are lined up alphabetically. They’ve even added in a “www” key (because apprently no one told them that you don’t need to type that on every address) and a second “@” over on the tilde key. If only they’d thought to toss in dedicated question mark and exclamation point keys, your child would never have to mess with the pesky shift key again!
If you want your child to fail at life, just hook up this keyboard in their bedroom. They’ll soon learn to hunt-and-peck at a rapid pace, only to find that every other keyboard in the world is different. Seriously, any parent that buys this should be beaten with it. $23 is far too much to pay for a product that will only enforce bad habits.
PS. For extra fail, check out their website. It features an informative 10-second YouTube video that simply says “Coming Soon.” Their “Blog” section is also wonderful.