Headtime Will Massage Your Scalp, Eat Your Brain
By Evan Ackerman
This thing? This thing scares me. This is a problem, since it’s supposed to be relieving stress as opposed to causing stress. Seriously. It’s a stress relieving device that looks suspiciously like the mouth of a lamprey, which, in case you didn’t know, is a fish that bores into your flesh and sucks your blood out. The Headtime scalp massager features 29 silicon balls, 34 ceramic balls, LED lighting, temperature control, and an internal speaker system that plays soothing nature sounds. You wear it on your head like a hat and pretend that it doesn’t make you look like this guy:
“Hey honey, look at me and my new hat! I’ve got 63 balls massaging my scalp right now!” “Take that thing off and kill it with fire before I jam this toothbrush into your eye socket, you stupid idiot.”
No word on price or availability, and here’s hoping it stays that way.
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