By Chris Scott Barr
Have you ever wondered how you could be easily identified as a giant douche at the next party you attend? As with skinning a cat, there are many ways to accomplish this noble title. My new preferred method is wearing this Portable Tap Dispenser. Granted, if you’re at a party with no booze and you walk in with a full tap of beer, you might be a hero. However, try walking into a kegger with an empty one and you’ll be douching it up in no time.
The best part here is that you’ll just get worse the longer you’re there. Just having this thing strapped to your back is bad enough, but when you roll up to the keg and start filling it up, you’ll definitely turn a few heads. Things will probably start heating up once you’re about 3/4 the way through your beer. By then you’ve no doubt got a good buzz going, and everyone at the party knows that you’re the one that spent 10 minutes filling up their stupid backpack with beer. They’ll be giving you crappy looks and telling you where you can shove that thing. To properly earn your new title, finish off your booze and head back for a refill. Trust me, it’ll be the best $35 you ever spent.