By Evan Ackerman
It’s nice being clean. It’s a shame, then, that being clean is just so much damn work. Like, you get in the shower, and then you’re supposed to STAND there. Stand! And you have to be rubbing soap on your body and shampoo in your hair, and if you try and do that in opposite directions at the same time, it’ll make you fall over and you’ll crack your head open and die. And that would be bad.
The automatic human washing machine takes most of the dying out of showers by not only giving you the chance to lie down while getting clean, but also by doing all of the actual cleaning for you. You stick yourself inside the washing pod and command it to go, and it will wash you with soap and water, use infrared light to steam heat you, pamper you with sound and aromatherapy, and then finish up with a seaweed wrap and some body lotion. Then you get out, and the machine sterilizes itself to get rid of all the nastiness you left behind.
I have no idea how, or how well, the automatic human washing machine (aka the “Santelubain 999”) actually performs its numerous cleaning tasks, but the website assures us that “the automatic human washing machine has been recognized by various people through coverage by different medias.” Ah, okay, very good then. There’s no price listed, but the company seems interested in OEM resellers.