By Andrew Liszewski
The Onion, truly America’s finest news source seems to have scooped every one with their list of the iPhone’s most highly anticipated features. If you can’t muster the mouse click to head over to their site to read the Infographic I’ve conveniently included the feature list below.
- Nanotechnology enables it to reassemble itself when thrown against wall
- Exclusive link to Google Street View so you can watch yourself using your iPhone at all times
- Takes Polaroids
- When moved from hand to ear, makes Lightsaber sound effects
- Prominent Apple logo
- Reproduces through asexual budding
- Has way, way more PRAM than the last thingy
- Comes with an iPhone hat, so people know you own an iPhone during the brief periods you’re not using it
Something tells me Apple and AT&T are none to pleased with the whole asexual budding reproduction feature. And I sure hope someone’s going to make a protective case for that iPhone hat. I heard it really picks up fingerprints.