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The Onion Reveals Some Of The iPhone’s Most Highly Anticipated Features

The Onion & iPhone (Images courtesy The Onion & Apple) By Andrew Liszewski

The Onion, truly America’s finest news source seems to have scooped every one with their list of the iPhone’s most highly anticipated features. If you can’t muster the mouse click to head over to their site to read the Infographic I’ve conveniently included the feature list below.

  • Nanotechnology enables it to reassemble itself when thrown against wall
  • Exclusive link to Google Street View so you can watch yourself using your iPhone at all times
  • Takes Polaroids
  • When moved from hand to ear, makes Lightsaber sound effects
  • Prominent Apple logo
  • Reproduces through asexual budding
  • Has way, way more PRAM than the last thingy
  • Comes with an iPhone hat, so people know you own an iPhone during the brief periods you’re not using it

Something tells me Apple and AT&T are none to pleased with the whole asexual budding reproduction feature. And I sure hope someone’s going to make a protective case for that iPhone hat. I heard it really picks up fingerprints.

[ The Onion Infographic – Apple’s New iPhone ]







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  • Quixand

    You know, the lightsaber sound effect actually would have been cool for the first dozen or so times…

  • Thach

    Don’t know why the lightsaber part couldn’t be feasible. Some of these newer electronics have gyroscopic sensor in it. If someone just somehow tap it into they could make it.

  • http://www.buzznet.com/tags/frankiero/forum/topics/12086/

    lightsaber would get fricken annoying.

  • http://www.xpherion.com xpherion

    This is funny. Hope iPhone mania dies soon.