By Evan Ackerman
Wow, I don’t even know where to start with this lamp. Its awesome factor is just out of this world. The Alien Abduction Lamp consists of a metal UFO containing the light (complete with an array of alien pilots) which is supported entirely on a frosted glass tractor beam. The cone shaped beam serves to diffuse the light and spread it around, and by turning the intergalactic communication antenna on top of the saucer (also the on/off switch), you can set the light inside the saucer to “pulse” the beam. Why would you want a pulsing beam? Well, how else would you propose to abduct the cow or human who are available as accessories?
If you’ve ever wondered just what the heck those aliens are thinking, abducting cows and stuff, the lamp’s designer Lasse Klein explains it all:
“We know that martians abduct hundreds of cows each year. We also know that Elvis lives on Mars. Put these two facts together, and you’ll realize that the Martians are busy collecting Earth cows to keep Elvis with a steady supply of hamburgers… It is well known that Martians abduct humans. We also know that Martians have useless hands. Combine these facts with the previous conclusion, and it becomes clear that humans are abducted to serve as burger flippers to keep the King happy on Mars!”
The Alien Abduction Lamp is only a concept at this stage, but I don’t see how it could possibly fail to be produced for purchase. And if we never hear about it again, it will be for one reason and one reason only: a government conspiracy, man.