By David Ponce
Lord, how we love this accident-waiting-to-happen piece of furniture! It’s your everyday coffee table, but with the added twist of having a flame spout off from the middle. (Does a flame, technically, ever “spout off”?) It’s made from reconstituted limestone aggregate, which is presumably fireproof, and it uses an alcohol-based gel as its burning fuel. This will prevent your home from being covered in soot, and makes extinguishing the flame as easy as
sitting on it smothering it with a plate or something.
It’s made by a company called FireTable, but they seem to make a bunch of other burning things, like hearths and mini-burners. The table models seem to start at around Â£900, and are available now. And I’m a little too tired to think of an appropriate bum-burning joke, so you’re free to make one up yourselves.