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The Turd Extruder

By David Ponce

By Jove, I’ve stumbled upon the apotheotic moment in the history of human ingenuity where product design took a right angled turn for the crapper! Literally.

What we have here, ladies and gents, is a poop extruder, called the “Turd Twister”. It is meant to be worn, er, between your cheeks during your morning constitutional. Upon forcible exit of semi-rigid organic waste matter, it will pass through one of the smartly shaped discs, thereupon shaping said turd into little star, or little heart or even little bat shaped, um… tubes.

Should you accidentally “swallow” the Turd Twister up the wrong end, it comes fitted with a (apparently trademarked) Safe-T-Floss retraction cord.

Be the life of the party for $10 for a pack of three. Right here. Story VIA Double Viking.

Incidentally, is this thing even real?